poor decisions...

i am 32... -i've never been drunk -i've never tried any recreational drugs -i've never smoked -i've never stolen something from a store, however i used to steal quarters from my sister's dresser (and later paid her back because i felt so guilty) -i waited until marriage to have intercourse -i never played hooky from school -i've never cheated on a test -i've never taken part in vandalism -i've never physically abused someone -i've OBVIOUSLY never murdered anyone (though if i had i may not tell you) -i've never raped anyone however...i fell in love with and married a divorced man with a child... aforementioned divorced man left me, left our daughter, and sent his daughter, from the previous marriage, back to live with her mother (who'd taken very poor care of said child thus losing custody to us) i still feel anger at God, 6 years after he left, for allowing this all to happen... my heart is somewhat hardened towards God. i say somewhat because i still thank him, profusely, when he helps me ( i need a LOT of help!). i REFUSE to turn my back on HIM completely. i could NEVER NOT love HIM. i KNOW he's saved me, numerous times. i don't go to church every sunday... i say the word POOP a LOT...i TALK about POOP A LOT...i say CRAP all the time...i talk about farting and DO fart when i'm around my family members... i LOVE movies and t.v. i KNOW i watch some things that are inappropriate, but do it any way. i swear in my head a lot, and while at work, when very stressed, i swear out loud... i have a terrible relationship with my mother and a strained relationship with my eldest sister. i barely talk to either...my mom and i rarely get along, and from time to time, i raise my voice to her...i almost never see my eldest sister, and despite the fact that we have a LOT in common, i think we only superficially get along. i'm very forgetful...i forget to tell people happy birthday, on time. i work part-time because my job won't allow me to be full-time. numerous family members and random members of the community think i'm lazy...despite the fact that my boss told me i'm one of two, of his best technicians. everyone comes to me when they have questions. apparently i'm good at my job and i give all that i have when i'm at work, will help customers when i'm at the store shopping, will help cashiers when they're having problems, when i'm at the store shopping, pick up garbage or place things correctly on the shelves, when i'm at the store shopping...i do my best despite the fact that i couldn't afford to pay my bills, i was still giving money to my "Compassion" child and another christian organization, and opted to sell my car instead of discontinuing my donations...selling my car wasn't enough and now i've had to discontinue donations, but hope to change that soon... if i know someone that is in need of something, i will give it to them, whether i already have it or have to purchase it...i hate to see people struggle, or unhappy, or in pain... i've paid for a friend's prescriptions because i know he has less money than i do, despite the fact that i didn't really have the money to give in the first place. i love giving people gifts. when i'm in a store, garage sale-ing, shopping at a thrift store, etc. and i see something i know a person would love, i HAVE to buy it for them (when i can afford it, of course). no matter where i go i am ALWAYS thinking of others... when i was doing post-secondary, my senior year of high school, i befriended a troubled boy. he confided in me that he was doing drugs, drinking, and other things he shouldn't be doing. he'd even mentioned suicide. i'd written him some letters (snail mail) that his mother had found. i'd written that suicide should never be an option and basically told him that people cared about him, that I cared about him, and that he needed to change his habits and whatnot. his mother found the letters and assumed that her 16 year old son was having an "affair" with an older girl, in college, and that i was taking advantage of him. he was immediately sent to military school. in military school he could no longer drink, smoke, do drugs, or anything else, that could hurt him. military school turned his life around. he got a piloting license and learned how to scuba dive, while there. he realized his potential in life, and started living to achieve his newly found goals. he told me that i saved his life... yet my brother-in-law told his daughter, who told MY daughter, that he doesn't like me because i've made poor decisions... i have a hard time agreeing with the "poor decisions" statement...at least to the extent that would warrant someone disliking me, or thinking i was a bad person (especially when that person is supposed to love me as a family member should AND professes to be a christian (and acts as if he's sin-free)...